BLANKETMAN®
He’s got
you
covered
you
covered
Ladies, if you’ve ever had a really bad day, you know that sometimes you need a little more than a friend and a little less than a husband. Enter BLANKETMAN®. Blanketman® combines all the qualities you love in a good man, without the “expectations” of a spouse. He’s handsome, caring, and loving, but he’s not looking for S-E-X. He’s there for you, but he goes home at the end of the night. He’s a strong shoulder to cry on, and he gives you space to “lean out.” If you’ve had a bad day at work, you’ve “had it” with the kids, or you’re done with the hubs, simply visit our website or use our mobile app, and a Blanketman® will be dispatched immediately to your home. Your spouse and children will be whisked away, giving you some much needed alone time with your Blanketman®.
Every visit begins with a “vent session” where your personal Blanketman® listens attentively while feeding you the snacks of your choice and telling you how beautiful and right you are. Blanketman® isn’t there to solve your problems, fix your life, or even talk back. He just IS. When your vent session is done, it’s time to move to the couch, get horizontal, and allow him to wrap you in a blanket, throw on a movie, and stroke your hair until you fall asleep. Allow yourself to drift off to dreamland to the hum of the television and the calm, dulcet tones of one of our Alpha Kings singing your praises. And once you’re out like a light? He’s gone in a flash. We know what you want and what you DON’T. At Blanketman®, we’ve got your back, he’s got it covered.
How it Works
Your personal Blanketman® listens attentively and without judgement or comment as you broadcast your woes
Your Blanketman® serves you the food and beverages of your choice
Your Blanketman® wraps you in the blanket of your choosing
Blanketman® turns on the television show or film of your choice
Once you've drifted off to sleep, Blanketman® is free to go home
Select a Blanketman®
Our diverse team of Blanketmen® have been carefully vetted and trained to ensure the best possible experience for our discerning clientele. All Blanketmen® stand over six feet tall, are basso profondo, and have been carefully groomed to be perfect gentlemen at all times. Our Alpha Kings are regularly tested for Low T, ensuring we live up to our company’s strict “No Beta Males” policy. Mouseover to learn their names, click to enlarge images.
Indicate a preferred nickname
Your Blanketman® will refer to you by this name throughout your session
Choose a Snack
“SWEET REVENGE”
Assortment of premium ice cream and truffles
“FEELIN’ SALTY”
A selection of your favorite salty snacks
“DON’T JUDGE ME”
Take out dinner and snacks of your choice
Pick a Beverage
“SPILL THE TEA”
For sober nights and more sobering conversations. Your choice of loose tea, fair trade coffee, or imported sparkling water.
“WINEY BETCH”
In vino veritas? Yes way, Rosé! A selection of vintage red, white, rosé, or bubbly from our cellars .
“THE BUMPY NIGHT”
For when you got a lotta problems with a lotta people. Dirty martini(s) or craft cocktail(s) of your choice.
Choose your Entertainment
“The Basic Bitch”
Your Blanketman® watches a show or film of his choice (which you get to freely complain about) while you scroll through Instagram looking at plastic surgery before and afters OR buy stuff you don’t really need on Amazon
“The Live Laugh Love”
Your Blanketman® watches a Hallmark Channel movie, HGTV, The Food Network, or a marathon of The Golden Girls with you until you fall asleep.
*”The Notebook” available for an additional fee.
“The Serial Chiller”
Your Blanketman® looks on in silence as you consume your favorite murder shows (48 Hours, Dateline NBC, Investigation Discovery, or a true crime documentary of your choice)
Select a Blanketman® Package
Your boss SUCKS, and Blanketman® knows it. You can’t quit (BILLS!), but it is quittin’ time! Let the b*tch session commence!
- One hour Blanketman® vent session
- Luxe Chenille Blanket
- Choice of snack
- Choice of beverage
- One hour of entertainment
Your in-laws are at it again! What is wrong with these people?! Blanketman® knows they’re cuckoo bananas, and he’s here to listen.
- Two hour Blanketman® vent session
- Weighted Blanket
- Choice of two snacks
- Choice of two beverages
- Two hours of entertainment
She’s batshit crazy, and everybody knows it. Blanketman® is there to remind you it’s not YOU… it’s all HER!
- Three hour Blanketman® vent session
- Weighted Electric Blanket
- Deluxe food options
- Unlimited beverages
- Entertainment until you fall asleep
What Our Clients Say
Our Blanketman® Blanket Promise
Our carefully trained Blanketmen® will NEVER:
- Disagree with you
- Mansplain to you
- Try to fix your problems (he knows you’re just venting)
- Ask you to touch his weenis
